Anyways, I'm back now. I had to clear out my messages and deviation thingy ma jig. The devart was at 223, lol.

Saw the neuro again; he recapped, but he didn't have enough time to fully check me again. However, he is talking with the family doctor on tuesday, and calling mom at work to discuss between them. He says he will try his best to get to the bottom of this, and he doesn't believe in the FM diagnosis I've been given. He went Pft, when we brought it up. So hopefully we'll get to the bottom of this before next winter, when I'm worst.

I kinda died here the last two weeks since I was just so out of it. I was just too tired and lackidasical, so I avoided any long bouts of typing on the comp, for tv and reading and some online games.

But then winter disappeared.

The last... 3 or so days its been over 0. (I'm speaking in Celsius) today was 25 C, yesterday was 22, and the day before 16C. its been soooo niceee...

I cleared the garden out earlier, of all the rotting leaves, in preparation for getting some plants sunday (assuming they have what I want, anyway). I'm thinking of stealing some of dad's wood and trying to make a little greenhouse, but I don't have any plastic. unless cling wrap would work...hmmm...


Planning my birthday party.

Writing (again, finally).

Just got scolded when I asked about the nisgaa trip that has been promised since last september. originally the "maybe" response was "well, it depends on how much gas is then" but apparently tonight it has changed to "well, depending how much schoolwork you get done and band"... and I had to bite my tongue not to do something irrational. I've been looking forward to this trip for ages now, and while I completely understand the gas worry (it was really the more down to earth worry, for me) all of a sudden, just because I showed some zest today, schoolwork is brought up? what?
They BOTH know I can't do it. labour? sure. anything concerning concentrating, doing equations, or assignments? I'm too fogged mentally. Band makes sense, the schoolwork doesn't. This is where half my problem has been since day one of the illness: my head. I feel like I have a blanket for a brain.

So I'm a bit down after feeling perky today, about the nisgaa trip. I missed out on disneyland, and now they're threatening to take away the nisgaa "just because" I perked up a bit and cleaned the small garden?
Its insane, because we all know I'd be working my ass off on my backlog of schoolwork if I could. I've been so bored... yet whenever I've tried, it doesn't make sense. I know it should...but it just doesn't.

I think its more a spur of the moment "do or else" thing that just popped into their head because I look normal for once. If I have to, I'll whip out the disneyland card, but I've been really good about not using that. I know mom is already guilty over it, and while I haven't been very upset about missing out on it, she feels awful for it. I've been reassuring constantly that I didn't mind, and it seems to have worked, but if I have to... there's no way in hell they're going to pull out the schoolwork card for the Nisgaa trip. No, I need this trip. It's been more anticipated than the disneyland trip was, and it wasn't nearly as old in the planning. If I miss out because of gas prices? fine. But not for something I can't help, that's been a sore spot for me for months, you know?

So yeah. good day ending on bad note. At least they won't be hanging around tomorrow and I can be left in peace.

And all of you should read "The Name of the Wind" by Patrick Rothfuss. Its such a brilliant book. The writing is so beautiful, and its very original. its a fantasy, as usual, of a 25 or so year old wizard (who is a legend throughout his world) retelling his story while he waits to die. or so the writing brings it across...he's not holed up in bed. actually, in the first bit, he whips some ass in secret to protect the village he's settled in from critters they haven't heard about, while hoping not secretly that he might be killed.

I also recommend "Feast of Souls" by C.S. Friedman. Its a dark fantasy asking "What if the price of magic was your life?". To use magic, you take time out of your life. its very neat and the characters are lovable, despite their flaws, which is the way it should go. and the world is credible.

kk, I'm done now.